’The economy shouldn’t stop you from planning the wedding of your dreams.

I have to admit this up front. It was my third wedding. The first one was a hurry-up affair, shotgun-style if you want the real scoop, and we wore street clothes at San Francisco’s City Hall. Eighteen months later, I’m a single mom and moving on. My second wedding was in someone’s backyard, with a friend officiating, and a potluck meal brought by family. Guest list: 35. Friends took photos and we got our cake and flowers from Safeway. It wasn’t about the money; it was about love.

OK, so that one didn’t work out in the end, either, for reasons too numerous to elaborate upon. Fast-forward 18 years, and I’m on the verge of doing it again?! Well, they say the third time’s the charm—but agh! Can I have a real wedding this time? Can we have a fun party? Can we look great and not break the bank? How are we gonna feed 250 of our closest friends and family, look fabulous and remain solvent?

It may be hard to believe, but we did this for less than $6,000. Really. And though the national average (see “Hey, Big Spender,” page 29) puts the cost of weddings in the $28,000 range, it seems foolish to spend so much in a down economy. In fact, with jobs disappearing and the stock market tanking, being thrifty has become almost chic. It helps to have talented friends (like the music buff with an iPod or the dessert chef who’ll bake your cake), and if there’s one thing you must have—a live band, a marshmallowy white dress, a horse-drawn carriage—by all means spend a bit more there, and you can still save elsewhere. Show off your new frugal style at your wedding, and guess what? You might even save the planet from wedding-related pollution, too.

The Spot

The first thing to do is choose a site, and since we’re in the “zeroes” decade, that means dates like 07-07-07 and 08-08-08 have been pretty popular (i.e., booked up far in advance for weddings). We live just a block from a city-owned community center, and it was available on the dates we liked. And it was cheap—about $500 for five hours. But we’d have to use their caterer, versus shopping around. On the plus side, we could walk to the site, eliminating the need for a limo.

Neither of us belongs to a church, but we found that church halls are pretty inexpensive options. Since we chose an August weekend, we wondered if we could get away with an outdoor wedding. As we all know, summer weather in the Bay Area can be a crapshoot. My sister got married in September in Sacramento and her outdoor wedding was blessed by a crashing rainstorm. Three weeks later, an October wedding was 105 degrees in the East Bay. One never knows. But the more we looked around, we thought we’d chance having an outdoor wedding, and though parks are not expensive to rent, they’re a bit rustic for our needs. We finally decided on the wide side-yard of our house. The cost to rent folding chairs was about $1.50 each (more for white chairs—but who needs white?) at West Coast Rental, and we could use the same chairs for seating at the tables. A five-minute scene-change, courtesy of a handful of friends while we caught our breath after the wedding, transformed the ceremony space into an al fresco picnic. Use of our side-yard? $0, and very conveniently located, too.

We also rented tablecloths, long tables for food, real glassware and china, a silver tiered cake stand and a punch fountain. We invited about 100 kids, so why not make their celebration festive, too? Nothing like a retro punch fountain to say “celebrate.” And the fountain rental meant no paper or plastic waste headed to landfills; we also avoided balloons, tacky plastic favors and hideous centerpieces as well. Rental costs were about $750, and the company both delivered and picked up after the festivities.

The Fare

What did we put on those plates? The two least expensive meals for a reception are a wedding breakfast (eggs are cheaper to serve than prime rib) or a champagne reception. We chose the latter—not a full meal, just an elegant snack with bubbly. We ordered organic, locally grown strawberries and grapes from our neighborhood produce man, Dan Avakian of Dan’s Fresh Produce. We ordered three kinds of cheeses from our local shop, Farmstead Cheeses and Wine (in Alameda and Montclair); Jeff Diamond, proprietor, threw in a couple of cases of cracker bread samples (not pieces—cases) for free. We asked a local bakery, Boniere, to make mini-cupcakes (about $1 each), and we arranged them on the cake stand. Two bites is enough wedding cake for most folks, and cupcakes, while trendy (who’da thunk?), are also very kid-friendly. We composted the paper wrappers afterward. Total for food was about $650. (I made the leftover strawberries into jam that we’re still enjoying.)

The Invites

After a complicated process of choosing a date—a day on which Mr. Fiancé and I would both have all our kids per the various custodial agreements—we considered a variety of invitation options. Online e-vites are low-cost or free, and no trees die in the process. But to some folks, the Internet just doesn’t say “classy” when it comes to wedding invitations. Instead, we could have opted for the do-it-yourself variety at our local Office Max or Office Depot—the cost is reasonable and it isn’t very hard to do on your home computer. Our third choice, which as you know by now is always the best, was to use the services of an independent graphic designer, one of our talented friends. We paid for the gorgeous paper stock and she gifted us the artwork, map and design. Our total cost was about $500 for elegant, creamy invitations customized for our day.

The Gown

Take a look inside a bridal store and get ready to faint. The cost of a bridal gown rivals a down payment for a Bay Area house. You’re going to wear it for what, four hours? Instead, I took advantage of spring and kept my eyes on prom gowns. I found a sleeveless champagne satin V-neck with a swishy short train at Macy’s, on clearance, for about $125. It was the perfect blend of elegant and grown-up, yet bridal.

As for bridesmaids, I had four daughters to dress, and not all were willing participants. I spent about five minutes thinking I would sew their dresses, and about 30 seconds in a bridal store gasping over the cost of ugly satin nightmares in teal, fuchsia and lime. Why do bridesmaids need to match? And why do bridesmaid dresses look like clown vomit? Instead, we went to the local department store and found sundresses in similar styles (spaghetti straps, short length, V-necks) in colors that suited the girls’ skin and hair tones. The girls opted to add lacy leggings and ballet flats, and though they didn’t “match,” it looked as if we had planned their outfits, and that was enough. Our cost was less than $100 per girl, including shoes, dresses and leggings.

And Mr. Fiancé? He wanted a classic tan seersucker suit, found one online and ordered it. Tailoring, plus a shirt and tie, brought his total to less than $400. He looked fabu, by the way.

The Flowers

If there is one area where we didn’t scrimp, it was the flowers. I had never had a “real” wedding before, and wanted one of those gorgeous bouquets. Just for once, I wanted to look and feel bridal, despite all my kids and previous marriages. I sat down with florist and artist Kiyoko Cohen of Serene Seed Design and told her what I wanted: fun, elegant, tropical, classic. She created a lush bouquet of creamy hydrangeas with a tinge of pink and green, lime-green cymbidium orchids, and five white gerbera daisies—one to represent each child. Mr. Fiancé (soon to be Mr. Husband) is a fun guy, so we chose a hot-pink gerbera daisy for him and his best man. The girls, our bridesmaid-daughters, each carried three hot-pink gerbera daisies. They each wore simple white-orchid leis, to honor their grandparents (both sets of grandparents came to California via Hawaii, as sugar-cane cutters). Our flower girl, the daughter of a friend, carried a single hot-pink gerbera daisy. I wore more hydrangeas in my hair. My father, who did not give me away this time (Mr. Fiancé and I walked down the aisle together instead), sported a hydrangea and orchid boutonniere. Our mothers wore hydrangea or orchid corsages, as did my niece and several women friends, who helped out with the food, music and organizing. We had exactly the flowers we wanted: fresh and original which completely echoed the spirit of our family-merging nuptials. They cost us about $900. We could have saved more by ordering less, going to the flower mart ourselves, or doing without—but here’s where we wanted to splurge. And it was so worth it.

A word about the centerpieces, such as they were. We used quart-sized Mason jars (that I picked up from Freecycle, an online free bulletin board) filled with local hydrangeas from my garden and a friend’s. There were enough flowers for two or three bunches per table. We also wanted seashells on the tables, so I went to a local fishmonger (JP Seafood Co.) and asked for clam, oyster and mussel shells. The Puccis saved a few days’ worth for me, and I scrubbed them at home. Cost of all of the centerpiece materials: free and completely recyclable or compostable.

The Bubbly

Our local wine merchant, Dan Marshall of Du Vin Fine Wines, gave us a sweet discount on cases of bubbly. We wanted to go local with the bubbly, but found out that we could get Spanish cava at a better cost, and since Mr. Fiancé is half Spanish, it honored his heritage as well. We served only the cava, plus bottled water and punch. Total cost: about $500.

The Groove

We set up our own stereo system outdoors, borrowed a microphone and stand and Mr. Fiancé pre-recorded several hours of our favorite tunes. Cost was $0, except for downloading a few iTunes, and we were literally dancing in the streets.

Other folks have successfully hired musicians from local music schools for low rates. Try your local school of music and see if you can hire a student. We also were lucky enough to have our good friend Natasha Miller, a local chanteuse and musician, play violin and guitar for the ceremony. Our eldest daughter sang (and stirred our guests to tears). While hiring a band can be pricey, a little creativity and the generosity of friends can get you around that expense. And there’s nothing wrong with having a DJ or setting up your iPod.

The Pix

We asked a friend to take photos, and then were overwhelmed by how many people took photos and sent us disks or links to their online photo sites. Our photographer friend gave us a CD of the best 100 photos, though it’s been more than a year and we haven’t yet printed them. But we have two albums made from various friends’ photos, and consider that just as nice. Get some candid shots and remember your day with fun and spontaneity, not stiff poses.

The Bling

We didn’t bother with a fat diamond ring. Not this time around. Both of us had learned (the hard way) that big rings don’t mean happy marriages. Instead, I asked for a simple birthstone ring—so Mr. Fiancé brought me a square-cut peridot trio from Zales with tiny diamond accents. It cost less than $200 and is vintage-perfect. Our wedding bands are simple white gold with an inscription, “True Colors,” from Cyndi Lauper’s song. Total cost for the bling, including sizing, was less than $500 for all three. Does that mean we love each other any less? What do you think?

The Planet

We felt like we were doing a good thing for the planet—with little travel, no paper waste, and using compostable, organic and locally produced food. Hey, you could even say that Mr. Fiancé and I were recycled! The wedding was family-oriented in as many ways as possible, and that helped us to decide on a luxury item: a bounce house. With that many kids attending, there would be no fun for the parents without a diversion. So a local vendor rented us a bounce house castle and the $100 price tag meant hours of fun—for everyone.

But the bounce house and the airplane flights for a number of our guests, meant the soiree wouldn’t exactly be pollution-free. We remedied this by purchasing a wedding carbon credit from TerraPass that came with a certificate in a reclaimed wood frame. We displayed it on the food table: “This wedding is carbon neutral.” The cost of that item was less than $200, and took care of the pollution as well as our bleeding liberal hearts.

As for the romantic getaway, we bagged it and took the kids to Lake Tahoe for a week instead. Can you say “family honeymoon”? When all was said and done on that warm August day, it was the wedding of our dreams. Some 250 friends and family were there, and everyone had a good time. We look at the photos often, and can’t imagine a way to have made it any better. And we came in under budget. I guess you can have your wedding cake and eat it, too.

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Third time’s a charm for frugalista writer Mrs. Julia Tracey (née Park). Check out photos of her nuptials at www.modernmuse.blogspot.com. She and Mr. Husband live happily in Alameda with five kids, three cats and an assortment of couch-surfing feral teenaged hangers-on.

Hey, Big Spender

Couples in the United States spend an average of $28,732 on their weddings. Cheaper than a year at Stanford, and it might just last a lifetime. But most newly-marrieds will admit to spending twice as much as they had planned to spend (not including the engagement ring or honeymoon). Locally, we’re way above average (of course!). In Alameda, weddings can top out at more than $44,000. In Walnut Creek, pricier nuptials cost around $50,000. Somebody in Moraga had better have made the right choice; they had the spendiest wedding last year, at more than $60,000.

Looking to come in significantly lower than that with your big day? The single most expensive item in a wedding budget is the cost of renting a site. Last year, the reception site cost an average of $8,000 (whew!) while the rehearsal dinner typically ran about $800 (another place where expenses could be trimmed or even cut altogether). Photographers are often pricey ($2,500, on average) and couples spend an average of $3,800 on a honeymoon.
Whatever your choice, enjoy and try not to stress the details. Make it a day that reflects your unique relationship. Cheers!

DOLLARS & SENSE
Estimated cost for a U.S. wedding in 2008
Reception site $8,000
Engagement ring $3,000
Honeymoon $3,000
Wedding rings $1,100
Photography/video $2,500
Rehearsal dinner $800
Bridal gown $800
Bridal accessories $200
Bridesmaids’ gowns $900
Flowers $850
Music $2,500
Limousines/transportation $450
Stationery/invitations $400
Formalwear $500
Clergy/chapel $250

NUPTIAL NUMBERS
There are about 2.5 million weddings every year in the United States.
June is the most popular month for weddings, then August, followed by September and October.
$40 billion is spent on weddings every year in the United States.
A couple will spend an average of $3,800 for their honeymoon.
Ninety-nine percent of newly married couples will plan and take a honeymoon.
Couples are waiting longer to get married.
The average age of the first-time bride is 26, the first-time groom 28.
The average annual household income of a newly married couple is $55,000.
The average wedding has 175 invited guests.
A recent study shows half of all brides will use a wedding consultant or wedding day coordinator.
Source: www.sellmoreweddings.com

Purveyors of Wedded Bliss

FOOD AND BEVERAGES
Boniere Bakery, 1417 Park St., Alameda, (510) 522-0110; www.bonierebakery.com.
Dan’s Fresh Produce, 2300 Central Ave., Alameda, (510) 523-1777; www.dansfreshproduce.com.
Du Vin Fine Wines, 2526 A Santa Clara Ave., Alameda, (510) 769-9463; www.duvinfinewines.com.
Farmstead Cheeses and Wines, 1650 Park St., Alameda; 6218 La Salle Ave., Oakland, (510) 864-9463; www.farmsteadcheesesandwines.com.
Good and Plenty Catering, (510) 548-1694; www.goodandplentycatering.com.
JP Seafood Co., 1650 Park St., Alameda, (510) 864-3474; www.jpseafood.com.
Montclair Bistro Catering, 6118 Medau Place, Oakland, (510) 482-8282; www.montclairbistro.com.
Poulet, 1685 Shattuck Ave., Berkeley, (510) 845-5932; www.pouletdeli.com.
Spun Sugar Bakery, 1611 University Ave., Berkeley, (510) 843-9192; www.spunsugar.com.

FLOWERS
Lee’s Florist and Nursery, 1420 University Ave., Berkeley, (510) 843-0502; www.leesfloristnursery.com.
Serene Seed Design, 3211 Encinal Ave., Suite D, Alameda, (510) 749-0871; www.sereneseed.com.

RENTALS AND SITES
Alameda Party Jumpers, (510) 813-5468; www.alamedapartyjumpers.com.
The Claremont Resort and Spa, 41 Tunnel Road, Berkeley, (510) 843-3000; www.claremontresort.com.
The Faculty Club (banquet room on UC Berkeley campus), University of California, #6050, Berkeley, (510) 540-5678; www.berkeleyfacultyclub.com.
West Coast Rental, 1532 Buena Vista Ave., Alameda, (510) 522-2110; www.alamedarental.com. (Use their cool online cost estimator!)

JEWELERS
14 Karats, 2910 College Ave., Berkeley, (510) 644-1640; www.14karats.com.
The Gem Gallery, 2945 College Ave., Berkeley, (510) 841-1615; www.the-gemgallery.com.
M. Lowe and Co., 1519 Shattuck Ave., Berkeley, (510) 486-0613; www.mlowejewels.com.
Pavé Fine Jewelry Design, 1778 Fourth St., Berkeley, (510) 528-7300; 5496 College Ave., Oakland, (510) 547-7000; www.pavefinejewelry.com.
Solano Jewelers, 1895 Solano Ave., Berkeley, (510) 526-1100; www.solanojewelers.com.

PHOTOGRAPHERS
Margaretta K. Mitchell Photography (wedding portraits), (510) 655-4920; www.margarettamitchell.com.
Nan Phelps Photography, 398 Colusa Ave., (at The Circle), Kensington, (510) 528-8845; www.nanphelps.com.

GOWNS
Kate’s Kouture Bridal, 82 Shattuck Square, Berkeley, (510) 845-5449; www.kateskouture.com.
Margenes Bridal, 3612 Grand Ave., Oakland, (510) 451-3555; www.margenesbridal.com.
The Wedding Party, 3206 College Ave., Oakland, (510) 420-1338; www.theweddingpartyonline.com.

MISCELLANEOUS TIPS AND MORE
ACB Ballroom Dance School, 454 Santa Clara Ave., Oakland, (510) 839-9875; www.acbballroom.com.
AVC Audio Visual Consultants, 3738 Grand Ave., Oakland, (510) 839-2020; www.avconsultants.com.
The Freecycle Network; www.freecycle.org.
TerraPass (for carbon offsets), TerraPass, 568 Howard St., 5th floor, San Francisco, (415) 692-3411; www.terrapass.com.
Wedding planning tips for the East Bay; www.eastbay.citysearch.com/roundup/40420.